As she drives home from school, 17-year-old Lauren Sorkin of Plainsboro, New Jersey goes over her day, her life and her future: algebra homework, friends, her after-school job, college applications, Friday’s field hockey game, the history test, diet, TV, music and career.
And the list goes on.
There is so much on the average teen’s mind. For many people (and for virtually all our parents), it’s easy to think that teen minds are consumed with sex. But that’s just not true for every teen. Maybe some of us think about having sex all the time, but it’s important to understand that some teens are simply too busy to obsess over the subject of sex.
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The most common stereotype about teens who are not fixated on having sex is that they’re being controlled by their families and religions and prevented from expressing their true selves. Yes, too many teens are suppressed by their families’ old-fashioned ways and handed-down religious beliefs, and thus, do not see the world with open minds. But again, there’s a category (a very large one) of teens that most people overlook: the teens with their own religious convictions who choose to wait to have sex until marriage.
My Religion Says Wait, and I Think That Is Right
These religiously empowered teens are everywhere. They don’t necessarily dress in religious garb like hijab, yarmulkes or turbans. (Some of those teens might be thinking about sex as much as or even more than everyone else!) On the contrary, these are regular teens who wear jeans and sneakers, play sports, video games, go to movies and chat with their friends. They simply have faith, and lots of it.
Christianity, Islam, Judaism and Hinduism are some of the religions practiced by American teens that encourage them to wait to have sex after marriage.
Mihiri Kulkarni, 17, of Rocklin, California describes herself as a moderate Hindu and says "I try to uphold the beliefs to the best of my ability." She and Mei Chang of Princeton Junction, New Jersey, a 17-year-old Catholic, both want to wait until marriage to have sex, believing that "sex is something special that should be shared with someone you love." Kulkarni and Chang came to that conclusion by reading the Vedas and the Bible, respectively, and talking with their parents.
Ahmed Moustaffa, a 16-year-old Muslim from West Windsor, New Jersey, laughs as he says, "My friends feel so bad for me! They all think I’m being held at gunpoint or something so that I can’t have sex!"
Sorkin, who is an Orthodox Jew, agrees, "My friends just don’t get that it’s my own choice. I really don’t want to have sex right now. There’s a lot more to being a teenager than obsessing over sex. I’m happy waiting!" She also says "there’s so much we can do on a date: holding hands, kissing, cuddling. There’s nothing more romantic!"
Religions Set the Tone, but Families Firm the Foundation
No matter how strong their faiths are, however, most of these teens agree that it’s family that they look to first for guidance. Family is after all the primary teacher of religion.
"[My parents] are not perfect," says Chang, "but they tend to be more often right than wrong when it comes to something as big as dating and sex. I listen to them."
Parents in a committed and loving marriage will undoubtedly influence their children’s ideas about what makes up a good relationship. These teens get to see the successful happily-ever-afters that back up their religious beliefs.
Waiting Is a Choice, Not a Commandment
Making the choice to wait, if it’s truly the person’s own choice, can be very rewarding. Instead of wondering about and questioning the complexities and dramas that often come with a sexual relationship, teens who choose to wait to have sex can instead focus on schoolwork, friendships, future plans and most importantly, themselves. And then, of course, there’s the added bonus of not having to worry about pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, among other things.
Nowadays in our sex-forward society, we often neglect, even alienate those who choose to differ from the mainstream. Religion is regularly deemed archaic by mainstream society, and young people who practice their faiths rarely get an opportunity to make their voices heard.
As long as these teens are not being pressured into waiting to have sex (yes, pressure goes both ways), and they truly believe in preserving their virginity until marriage, then their choice to wait is a beautiful, empowered decision—one that should never be ridiculed.
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