It is nine o’clock on a weekday night, and if I were in the mood for good sex, I would have to look no further than my television screen. I am not talking about seeking out one of those racy teen dramas often blamed for causing people my age to have sex before they’re really ready, or a sexually suggestive sitcom that was most likely not written with young people in mind.

Kameron Collins
Photo by Pryde Brown Photographs

No, the sex I speak of requires little more than 15 seconds of my time—which is probably more in tune with real life than teenage guys are willing to admit—and has minimal plot, minimal character development, and minimal consideration for the influence it may have on young people.

Quite simply, the best sex on TV nowadays is in television commercials.

Mass Market Product

I can remember one commercial in particular. As I remember it, a man is hanging out in his bachelor pad, and his doorbell rings. When he answers the door, he greets his date, a stunning brunette. But before he can say anything else, she throws him onto his dining room table and climbs on top of him. You can guess what happens next.

The first time I saw this commercial, I thought it was advertising beer. As I remember it, the main character was drinking alcohol. It just seemed illogical for the commercial to be about anything else (unless commercial producers are advertising sex as a mass market product, like Cheerios or Chia Pets, which they might as well be).

Alas, I was mistaken. The commercial was actually about Dockers. Apparently, the brunette thought the young man’s pants made him look so hot she was compelled to make out with him—then and there. Or was she just attracted to the pants, and not the man? I am still not sure.

Anyway, the issue here is not what caused these two people to make out (and, we assume, continue until they’ve hit all the bases). The issue here is what the heck their sexual activity has to do with selling the pants he’s wearing.

Me or the Spray?

I know, I know, “sex sells,” but what message am I supposed to get from this commercial, and from other commercials like it? Am I supposed to think that if I wear Dockers pants, girls will want to sleep with me?

What about Axe body spray? In those commercials, after a guy sprays on Axe, the girls’ sexual interest increases tenfold—as if these already-attractive males really need a body spray to get attention.

If I don’t wear Axe body spray, will girls not want to sleep with me? Is the girl going to want to sleep with me (that is, if Dockers and Axe will make girls want to sleep with me, which still has not been proven) because of the products themselves, or because I look good in the Dockers pants?

Too much is implied in these commercials; not enough is concrete. Here is what I DO know: I did not see either of these characters pulling out a condom. What kind of message does that send to young people?

Bigger Picture

Do not get me wrong. I, for one, believe that using the media as a scapegoat for increased teen sexual activity has become all too easy. Still, it is time for the media to start taking some responsibility for the subliminal messaging behind TV commercials.

Even more, it is the job of the networks that air these commercials to show a proportional amount of ones that advertise contraception. For example, one of the humorous Trojan condom commercials could be shown directly after one of these other commercials, to neutralize the effect. These commercials combined would form the bigger picture: the importance of safer sex.

Suggestive TV commercials would not bother me as much if networks made an effort to do this, but the largest efforts must be made at home and in the classroom. Parents, after seeing these commercials, should discuss them with their teens and ask questions about not only the messages behind the commercials, but the difference between fact and fiction.

For instance, can wearing certain kinds of pants or buying specific products increase your chances of someone of the opposite sex (we do not normally see same-sex couples in these situations) being attracted to you?

We may be shaking our heads, saying, “No, of course not” and “Don’t be silly,” because as teens we consider ourselves reasonably aware and educated when it comes to matters like these.

But when you’re at your favorite clothing store about to buy new shirts or pants, will you wonder what Justin or Michelle will think of you when you wear them?

More importantly, will you stop to wonder why you were wondering in the first place?