José and Diane saw their chance. 

Diane’s parents were away for the weekend. The two had been dating for five whole weeks and they were ready. 

So on Saturday night, José showed up, with no condom in his pocket, but with an idea of what was going to happen. And it did. 

At age 17, Diane and José both lost their virginity. A few days later, they broke up. Diane’s mom found out what went down and laid down the law—no more José. He was crushed. 

"I thought sex would make our relationship stronger," says José, now 19 and a whole lot smarter. "But it didn’t work out that way. I really regret it." 

For José, losing his virginity turned out to be a bad memory. What went wrong? Maybe it was the faulty connection between what he wanted—a good relationship—and how he tried to get it—sex. If you want a solid relationship, time, not sex, may be the key. (Five weeks can seem like an eternity, but when it comes to love, it’s not even close).

Looking for Love

Daisy, 15, tells a similar story. She had known the guy she lost her virginity with for one week. 

"We never talked about having sex. We just did it," she says. "I had sex with him because I needed to feel love and I wasn’t getting any at home. Afterwards, he left me and went back out with his girlfriend. I really thought that he loved me. If I had it to do all over, I would have kept my virginity and waited until I was more sure about the relationship." 

And then there’s Steve. 

He was only 14 when his girlfriend, who was 13, said she wanted to have sex. 

"She asked me over the phone after we had been dating for about two weeks. We talked about birth control and we agreed to use a condom," he remembers. "It was really freaky." 

"Anyway, after the first time, she wanted to do it again, but I said no because the condom broke, so the whole pregnancy thing freaked me out," he adds. "We broke up a few months later and I ended up totally hating the girl. I didn’t regret having sex, but I regretted doing it with her. I should have waited and done a lot of things differently." 

So does losing your virginity always lead to regrets? Probably not. 

Take Manuel and Michelle. 

They had been dating for about six weeks. They weren’t looking for love, but they liked each other and, after talking about it, discovered they were both curious about sex. 

"We both agreed that we wanted to try sex," Manuel says, adding that they used condoms. "I wanted to try something new. It was fun and I felt good about the decision." 

The two are still hanging, but they’re not talking long-term commitment. 

All the Right Moves

Now check out Marie and Danny. 

The two 18-year-olds had been together for two years before the idea of having sex even came up in any serious way. Even then, they talked about it for at least a month before it happened. They discussed what they both wanted from the relationship and decided it was commitment and love. They visited a family planning clinic and learned about pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Marie got on the pill. Danny got condoms. 

"We felt that we were both ready," says Marie. "We loved each other and I wanted to give him my virginity. It was great. We’re still together and we’re planning to get married." 

So here’s another question: Will Manual and Michelle or Marie and Danny regret their decisions later—even though they feel cool about it now? It’s tough to tell. But one thing’s for sure. It’s important to take your time and explore a few key questions before taking the leap. 

Why do you want to have sex? Is your partner the right one for you? What is your relationship about? How are you going to protect each other from pregnancy and disease? If you and your partner take the time to answer these way important questions, chances are you’ll be able to say, “No regrets.”