In today’s society of Joe Millionaires and Bachelorettes, teens are increasingly pressured to be in a relationship.

“Reality shows send an extremely negative message to the teens of America—that we need to be married or at least in a relationship by a certain age, or else we’re a failure,” says Julie Rogers, a 17-year-old single teen from Montclair, NJ.
 
For teens like Rogers and 15-year-old Samantha Zachow, of Plover, WI, it seems like being single isn’t an option anymore. 
 
“Everywhere you look, there’s a couple holding hands or with their arms around each other,” says Zachow. “How many people in the movies or on TV are single? Not that many!”

But many teens ignore the pressures to find a boyfriend or girlfriend and decide to embrace the single life.

“I chose to remain single because I see that a lot of my friends have relationship problems,” says Ashlynn Jones, 17, of Fort Worth, TX. “And I don’t have time to worry about a guy. I’m way too young right now to think about guys. I have schoolwork to concentrate on!”

Drawing by Margarita L. Gaines

Pros of Being Alone

Experts agree that there are benefits to being single during the teen years. David Niven, Ph.D., a psychologist and social scientist who teaches at Florida Atlantic University and is the author of The 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships, says that being single gives teens time to learn about themselves.

“You give yourself a chance to find out who you are and what you’re looking for in a relationship,” explains Niven. “It means avoiding the pressures that inevitably come with a relationship.”

These pressures can include deciding about sex, and understanding the risks of unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted infection if you do decide to have sex. According to Niven, being single can postpone some of these tough decisions.

“Waiting for a serious relationship means you’re not trying to do something you’re not ready for. It means that instead of trying to act the part of an older person, you can be free to be yourself,” he says.

Teen guys like Scott McGimpsey, 15, of Superior, CO, agree with Niven.

“I chose to remain single because, right now, I’m looking for things in a relationship, like close friendship, when others are just looking for sex,” says McGimpsey.

Instead of dealing with dating pressures, single teens can concentrate on “more important things” like grades, friends, and family, adds Zachow.

Like many others, Zachow realizes the time commitment of being in a relationship. When you devote so much time to one person, it becomes hard to find time for people and activities that once played a larger part in your life. Zachow also wants to wait to be in a relationship only when she’s ready to be emotionally involved.

“Having a relationship isn’t the first thing on my mind,” she says.

Waiting Is Healthy

By waiting until they’re ready for love, single teens are learning how to have healthy relationships in the future, according to Niven. Since good relationships are based on friendship first, teens who postpone dating and take things slow are learning how to connect with others as friends.

“Waiting for a serious relationship means focusing on friendship—and those friendship skills are the foundation of relationship skills you’ll need later on,” says Niven.

Good Times

Other teens just like being independent and believe that being single is fun.

“I love to be single, mostly because I’m free to flirt with just about anybody I want,” says Joshua Straw, 17, of Rochester, MN. “Plus, I’m kind of an independent person, so I don’t want to be tied down. Free spirit—that’s how you’d describe me.”

Colyn Erikson, 17, of Northfield, MN, feels similarly to Straw. She used to date people just to “make everyone else happy,” but soon realized that she wasn’t happy with anyone she dated. Now she’s single and loving it.

“I have fun; I enjoy life. But, most importantly, I’m being me, not what others want me to be. I love being single and not having to always have a boyfriend,” she says.

“And I think it’s made me a stronger person, because I’m looking out for number one: ME!”

Niven advises any teen who’s thinking about being single to “think for yourself.”
 
“Your relationship status is about you and your needs, and shouldn’t be a show for your friends, a way to look older or fit in,” he explains. “Think for yourself, because otherwise, you’ll be stuck living somebody else’s idea of a life, in somebody else’s idea of a relationship.”

Additional reporting by national correspondents Kendrick Spencer, 17, of Fort Worth, TX; Aaron Bornstein, 16, of Superior, CO; and Shoshana Walter, 18, of Montclair, NJ.

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