They get stares and strange looks. They’re featured in the mass media and theater. They’re the “modern” couple, and they’re interracial. They face the normal pressures of relationships, but interracial couples also face a whole other set of struggles.

Modern Love
Photo by Elan Jade Jones

But these struggles are a sign of positive change since, in the past, interracial dating was not only unaccepted—it was outlawed in some parts of the United States.

As efforts to break down segregation began and immigration increased, interracial couples became more common. And in the 1960’s, courts declared laws against interracial marriages unconstitutional.

“There’s much less of a stigma attached to interracial relationships now,” says Anton Hart, Ph.D., a psychologist and associate director of the Counseling Service at Vassar College, in Poughkeepsie, NY.

Today’s interracial relationship is no longer the stereotypical picture of a black-and-white couple. Interracial couples can be of Native American, Asian, European, and African descent.

In my town of Montclair, NJ, there is a large population of interracial couples and their children. Teens in Montclair have strong opinions on interracial dating, primarily because they’ve faced it while growing up. They’re also aware of its challenges.

Angelia Codella, 15, and Ara Morton, 14, are one interracial couple in Montclair. For the most part, their friends and communities accept their relationship, but they’ve dealt with opposition.

“Countless people say we’re a wonderful couple. But some others are obviously not comfortable,” says Morton, who’s African- and Armenian-American.

“Bad reactions from other people have mostly been glares or negative assumptions,” says Codella, who’s European- and Cuban-American.

Sixteen-year-old Jade, an African-American who’s been in an interracial relationship, knows the ups and downs of interracial dating, too.

“A lot of people think it’s wrong to date outside their race and don’t tolerate people who do, especially if it’s African-Americans with Caucasians. Some people really hate to see them together,” says Jade.

What makes people so uncomfortable?

“Racial prejudice is at the core of negative reactions to interracial dating,” says Hart. Most racial prejudice is based on a mistrust of people who are “different.” And people use prejudice to keep themselves safe from things they don’t understand, according to Hart.

Another challenge faced by interracial couples is family disapproval. Jade deals with prejudice in her own home.

“My mother thinks people should stick to their own race, but I don’t see her point. To me, race doesn’t matter; what matters is the person,” she says.          

Felicia, 15, who’s Guyanese-Indian, was in an interracial relationship with her previous boyfriend.

“People at school thought it was cute, but my family didn’t like it. I don’t see a problem with interracial dating, but it’s hard if your own relatives don’t understand,” she says.

Opposition from family can discourage many interracial teen couples. In some cases, Hart says, a family may even forbid a teen to date outside his or her race.

“Many people in interracial relationships face racist or bigoted responses. And sometimes, stressful responses from family or friends are unexpected, and loyalties are divided. When you’re under pressure from family or peers, sometimes it’s harder to be true to yourself,” he says.

To help with tough family or friend situations, Hart says it’s important for teens to find a non-judgmental friend or trusted adult to talk with about the issue.

Despite the challenges, many teens see interracial dating as a great way to experience another culture and expand their horizons, according to Hart. And even though interracial couples face some opposition, many feel accepted by their friends, families, and communities.

Other teens see no differences between dating someone of the same or another race. Sixteen-year-old Andrew Anderson, who’s African-American, has been in both interracial and same-race relationships.

“People are people, with their own likes or dislikes. It has nothing to do with race,” he says.

“Race is just used to divide people,” adds Andretta Taylor, 16, who’s African-American.

“Every relationship with every guy is going to be different, not because of what he is, but who he is. You can’t truly love a person until you can see past his or her looks,” she says.

One Couple's Story

Obviously, Montclair, NJ, isn’t the only place for interracial teen couples. Sixteen-year-olds Lindsey (who’s Caucasian) and Isaiah (who’s African-American), of Chattanooga, TN, dated for three months. Here they share the highs and lows of interracial dating:

Lindsey:  “The good part was that we didn’t ever worry about who was what race. The down part was that I couldn’t really share with my family who I was dating, because while my mom was OK with it, my dad would’ve flipped. So, it was hard having a relationship that I couldn’t fully share with my family.

Because we attend a school where interracial relationships are somewhat the norm, we didn’t face much opposition. Most of our friends were pretty much OK with it.

I would tell other teens in interracial relationships to make sure you’re dating someone because of who he or she is, not because of some status it might get you.

So many people around here enter into interracial relationships only because the person they’re dating will boost their status. And they never realize how hard interracial dating can be. Make sure you know the challenges you’ll face, because they really are enough to make you question your relationship.”

Isaiah:  “Most of my friends on the football team have dated girls outside their own race, so they were all supportive. My parents were cool with it, too; so I guess, on my end, I had few problems.

The only problem I had was African-American girls thinking that I was selling out. Most of the guys didn’t feel that way, since they were in interracial relationships themselves.

I kind of wish Lindsey’s parents would’ve been OK with it. It was hard, knowing that I couldn’t meet her dad, for fear of how he would react to me dating his daughter—despite the fact that I’m really a nice guy.

I would tell other interracial couples to never worry about what others think, and not let people get into your business, because in interracial relationships—with all the stuff going on around you—it’s so easy to find a reason to break up. Make sure you’re OK with whatever you may face, and make sure your partner understands that, too.”

National correspondent Ashley L. Smith, 15, of Chattanooga, TN, contributed to this story.