Values. The President advocates them. The media distorts them. Parents dictate them. And everybody, it seems, is arguing about them, leaving teens to figure out just what is right and wrong.  

So what are values? And why should we care?  

Values are codes we live by -- I won't cheat on a test, I won't lie to my parents, I will use a condom when I have sex. Nearly everybody has a different set of values. Usually, values go hand in hand with virtues, which are larger ideas about who we are - compassionate, honest, loving, kind, creative -- according to The Virtues Project, an international organization that helps schools and parents nurture values.  

Now for the muddy part. Values often conflict with each other.  

"I usually try to stand up for what I believe, even if it isn't the most popular view, but there are times when you have to interpret your values to accommodate the situation," says one 17-year-old from New Jersey.  

She relates an instance when a friend had confided a serious problem.  

"I had to lie to my parents and friends for weeks to keep from telling his secret. If I had thought for a minute that the person could have harmed himself more by my not telling anyone, I would have risked his friendship and asked my parents for advice, but I decided that under the circumstances, it would be better to keep his problem confidential."  

Later, he found help and everything worked out. "I m glad I didn't tell anyone," she says. "Even if it meant lying to cover things up."  

Prevailing Pressures   

Sometimes, values conflict with other pressures in our lives. Take the issue of cheating on tests. Even though many teens say honesty is important, they also admit that they have cheated or would cheat on a test. According to a survey released by the Who's Who Among American High School Students, 78 percent of the nation's top students admitted to getting some of their good grades by cheating.  

"I wouldn't deliberately look through a teacher's files, but yeah, if I were given the chance I would cheat," says one New Jersey student. "Students are getting more competitive and college is on everyone's mind. If it were a big test and I didn't know my stuff, I'd risk getting caught to get a good grade."  

So, some teens are willing to sacrifice honesty to get a good grade. That's because society values good grades, and sometimes we think getting those grades is more important than the way we get them, explains Marian Bock former director of The Virtues Connection in Seattle, WA, a program affiliated with the Virtues Project, but what if we made sticking to our values--not cheating-feel better than getting a good grade? It would probably lead to stronger values.  

What's Right?  

That raises another question. Is there one set of values that are right for everyone? And do our values stay the same throughout our lives? Probably not.  

Say you've been dating someone for a few months, but one Friday night you're at a party alone. You run into an old crush and by the end of the night, you find yourself in a lip lock. Have you violated your values?  

"Cheating is never a good thing," says Jessica, a 17 year-old from Massachusetts. "But as long as you don't sleep with another person, I don't think you've committed some unspeakable sin."  

What if you're married? "Marriage is different," says Jessica. "You've made a vow to the other person. I think even a kiss may be crossing the line."  

Of course, different people would size up each situation differently, but these scenarios do show that values vary depending on who we are.  

Questioning Your Values   

"Your job as a teenager is to discover who you are by finding out which of the values you've learned from your family, teachers, friends, media and society you want to keep and which you want to change," explains Bock. This helps you develop a code to live by.  

"What makes the job so hard is the mixed messages you receive. But the more you talk about values, think seriously about how to practice them and choose your role models, the more secure you'll feel when you need to make important decisions."  

By the way, the process lasts a lifetime.  

"Throughout your entire life you will be challenged to defend what you think, feel and believe," writes teacher Michael Basso, author of The Underground Guide to Teenage Sexuality. "It's very difficult being your own person and doing what you know is right, but the more you stand up for yourself and defend what you believe in, the stronger you become as a person."  

True. Sticking to our values makes us feel kind, honest, courageous or whatever good we're accomplishing by doing what we feel is right. And no matter what anyone says, in the end it's up to us. We decide whether to return or keep the money we found in the street, to have unprotected sex or use a condom, to lie to a friend or tell the truth.  

So think about it What are your values?