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Stories
Stories / Deciding about Sex
Are You Ready For Sex? Important Questions To Consider
By Tanya Maloney

Love has overwhelmed your body and you can't think straight. You float on air because that drug called love gave you a hit straight to your heart. You know your honey feels the same, so the two of you are ready to have sex...right?

Wait. Before you buy the satin sheets, stop and ask yourself a few questions. Have you talked everything over with your partner? What about your parents, counselor, clergy? And have you asked yourself what you really want? Is love that potent? 

Registered Nurse Lillian Montalvo of the Women's Health and Counseling Center in Somerville understands that strong feelings can overpower your thinking. And that's all the more reason to look before you leap.

 So how do you know whether you are ready? 

Truth & Consequences

Two potential consequences of having sex are pregnancy and disease. Teens often dismiss these very real dangers with: "It can't happen to me." But it can. And it does. 

Sophomore Lania Taylor has seen her peers struggling with these consequences and that is part of the reason why she has decided to abstain from sex. 

"There are so many bad things that can happen, like getting pregnant or catching diseases," adds Liz Parson, 17, who has decided to wait until marriage to have sex. "Why put yourself at risk?" 

On the emotional side, sex can change a relationship. And both partners don't always experience the same change or view sex in the same way. 

That's why it is important to talk to your partner before having sex. Does having sex mean you are committed to each other? Or are you just having fun? Trouble crops up when two people want different things from a relationship. 

You should also be able to talk to your partner about birth control and whether either of you has had unprotected sex in the past. 

Having an honest discussion with your potential partner may be tough. But talking it through--before acting on impulse--is responsibile behavior, which is essential in a sexual relationship, says Montalvo. 

When we asked teens how they made decisions about whether to have sex, we got a wide variety of responses. 

"There are so many people you're going to meet after high school and college and so much time to think things through and to mature," says Liz Parson. "After all that time and growing, then you can positively say you're in love with someone." 

"You have the feeling in your heart,'' says Mercedes Walker, a senior. "You just know. But first you need to reach a certain maturity level. It's hard to explain someone's maturity level, but it's when you get past curiosity and begin to want to do it." 

For Maurice Peterson, a junior, sex "depends on the girl. Most boys are always ready. Girls just don't want to feel like they're being used.'' 

Nick Garmise, a sophomore, disagrees. He says that he won't have sex with a girl unless he feels strongly about her. 

Juniors Melvin Williams and Kayla Washington feel it isn't wrong to have sex with someone you've only known for a little while. "It might be better that way," says Kayla, "because there are no expectations.'' 

To Montalvo, anyone thinking about having sex--teen or adult--needs to go much deeper. "Making a responsible decision about whether to have sex requires more than just going with your first feelings," she says. Few teens, she notes, have really "done their research" before making a decision one way or another about sex. 

"It's important to remember that there's a difference between feeling an emotion and acting on that emotion," she explains. "Just because you feel like having sex doesn't mean you should act on that feeling any more than feeling like hitting someone means you should actually hit them." 

Making a mature sexual decision means being willing and able to "do some clear thinking about wants, needs, values, feelings and ability to handle possible consequences of your actions. If you do this, you'll feel better about your decision -- whatever it is."


Fall, 1996

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Revised: 02-24-2004
Posted: 02-24-2004

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