Mark Bartkiewicz*

Growing up, I was always the “chubby boy.” I loved my mom’s cooking, and sometimes food was a comfort. I hated the fact that I was overweight, and I remember being picked on in class. Kids in grade school can be so cruel. And, being the sensitive person that I am, their comments were extremely hurtful to me.

Even as a young child, I experimented with various dieting tactics, but nothing ever worked. Until one day, when I was a 15-year-old sophomore, I was lured into the secret world of anorexia.

I started sophomore year on a bumpy road. I was angry with myself for being overweight, and school wasn’t going well, mainly because my self-esteem had plummeted. So, in November of 2001, at 5'8" and 160 lbs., I started a quest to lose weight.

I began with fasting, and it proved difficult. But being an ambitious person, I was determined to shed my excess weight. So, I started jogging after school, exercising at home, and watching everything I ate. Food disgusted me. The thought of putting that filth into my mouth made me want to retch.

Unlike other eating disorder sufferers, I never intentionally threw up or took diet pills. But I only allowed myself 500 calories per day (out of a recommended 2,500).

I also surfed the Web and uncovered the dark side of the Internet: pro-anorexic Web sites. These sites supported my quest to be thin.  I learned tricks to hide my eating disorder, low calorie recipes, and got “thinspiration”—pictures of attractive thin celebrities that are meant to be “inspiration.” I also met many other teens who were suffering from eating disorders.

Looking back, it’s scary to think about the vast support group for anorexics on the Net. But at that time, I was so naive that I had no clue what I was getting myself into. I didn’t see my problem as an eating disorder, because I thought I had it under control. I was so skinny that people came up to me on the street and told me to see a doctor. But I didn’t care—I was thin, I was free.

I remember my parents eventually saying, “Please, Mark, eat just a little.” But I stayed inside my room and cried for no reason, letting music swallow me whole. It seemed like my life consisted only of sleeping, exercising, going to the bathroom, and listening to music, any kind. All I needed was noise to fill the emptiness I felt inside.

Coming to Grips

I had an eating disorder. What made it worse was the fact that I was suffering from depression, which made me vulnerable to just about anything. Everything hurt. Getting up in the morning and seeing myself, and then trying to smile in class.

In January, I got really sick. I was weak from not eating properly. My parents took me to a doctor. Obviously, when you’re 123 lbs. and 5'8", the doctor has a reason to be concerned.

The doctor took me into another room to discuss what had been going on the past three months. She also explained the severity of my situation, and how I was putting my life in jeopardy. We talked for nearly an hour, and I realized what I had been doing to my body.

One of Many

Males account for ten percent of reported cases of eating disorders, according to the National Eating Disorders Association, of Seattle.

“Probably the biggest risk for eating disorders in males and females is the emphasis that society places on unrealistic weight and shape expectations, and the unrealistic message that we can change our weight or appearance easily,” says Theodore Weltzin, M.D., medical director of the Eating Disorder Center at Rogers Memorial Hospital in Oconomowoc, WI.

“This message is increasing, particularly for males, and likely explains the increase in male eating disorders that we’re seeing,” he adds.

Dr. Weltzin says that treatment is important and can take months or even years. During treatment, a patient must focus on nutrition and maintaining a body weight for normal physical and emotional functioning.

Treatment also includes looking at the symptoms behind the eating disorder—like poor body image and self-esteem, depression, anxiety, sexual abuse or past sexual assault, family issues, and alcohol or drug problems.

“Oftentimes, weight loss becomes the solution for problems—every moment of the day revolves around food and weight—and this needs to be challenged. People who are successful in treatment develop a much more comprehensive view of themselves and their lives, of which eating and weight are only a small part,” explains Dr. Weltzin.

Getting Better

After talking with my doctor, I knew it was time to change. From late January to May, I saw her every other week. She did extensive blood work, put me on vitamin supplements, and recommended a daily diet of three balanced meals, full of essential nutrients.

My weight started to increase. After I got healthier, she put me on an antidepressant, because I was also suffering from the illness of depression.

I finally understood the importance of health. I realized that I shouldn’t neglect it just because I had a desire to lose weight. And I learned that there is more to life than just appearance. I have great friends, a wonderful family, and a bright future to look forward to.

Right now, I’m 5'11" and 145 lbs. I have a healthy relationship with food. Just like other growing teens, I eat balanced meals that contain all the nutrients my body needs to function properly. I don’t count calories anymore.

I consider myself lucky. Sometimes I look back and think how foolish and naive I was. I basically put my life in jeopardy. Eating disorders, including anorexia, are serious illnesses and should not be taken lightly. They are a problem for males as well as females. If you are reading this and suffer from any kind of eating disorder, I urge you to seek help.  

Editors’ Note: For help and more info, contact the National Eating Disorders Association at 1-800-931-2237 or visit their Web site.

*Photo by Pryde Brown Photographs

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Winter 2003